Blessing Your Family, Intimacy & Sex
Welcome to Day 30 of our Journey through “31 Days to Bless Your Family”!
Today’s theme is Intimacy & Sex. The image for today doesn’t just fit because there’s a couple on a bed, but the sign on the wall says, “Your Heart – I Will Choose”. In the context of Blessing Your Family, this topic becomes more than just the physical joining of two people. We do not choose our partner’s body, we are choosing their heart – we choose their soul and innermost being to cherish and to love “as long as we both shall live“.
When we talk about Intimacy and Sex today it will be in the basic terms of a monogamous marriage. In the context of Blessing Your Family we will skip any uncomfortable details, and highlight how all of our other topics really do create an environment for our marriage to build up, crescendo, and climax into a deeply fulfilling love life with our spouse, our mate, our best friend and partner.
While we focus on the marriage relationship today I want to briefly include the aspect of modeling a healthy marriage relationship for our kids, blessing them with a picture of what marriage can be.
Would You Rather Be Rich or Broke in Your Marriage Bank?
Like Zig Ziglar’s quote on money above, I would like to put the Intimacy and Sex of marriage as “reasonably close to oxygen on the ‘gotta have it’ scale“. Furthering the metaphor from Zig on money, I’ll paraphrase him as saying, ‘I have had seasons without money, and seasons with money… and it’s better to have money’.
Personally, I will share with you that I have had seasons with and seasons without, and it is far better to have intimacy and sex in marriage than not. It’s like yesterday’s topic, Present and Participating
– if your spouse is absent from any or all key areas of your marriage it can feel like you are along and going through hell. Or, if you and your spouse are
Present and Participating, intentional in every topic of your marriage and family together, building Oneness
together, then it’s as close to heaven on Earth as you might hope for. Trust me, it’s better to have than not.
Intimacy and Sex in marriage should be a place of rich treasure and abundance for us (not a place to be poor in our love with our mate). And if we focus on truly loving and giving our whole selves (mind, body, and soul) toward meeting the needs of our mate, then all the technical details will all work out fine. Besides, you’ve got a lot of practicing ahead of you so don’t worry about that and just fill the Love Bank in your marriage!
In the movie Avatar, an alien culture has a phrase or greeting that translates to “I see you”, a.k.a for who you really are. And in yoga I have been told that the word Namaste translates to “I see you”, and often at the end of an exercise or practice of yoga the instructor might say something like “the light in me honors the light in you”.
In our topic on Prayer
I mentioned a book on the subject by Timothy Keller that I just love! It just happens that I was in chapter 13 of the book this morning when Keller referred to the “intimacy of prayer”. He described it as “Free Forgiveness and Limitless Cost
” (and Grace), and went on to detail how those two understandings make intimacy
possible with God in unconditional acceptance and sober realization of what makes the love and grace we receive possible.
Why do I start with discussing intimacy this way you might ask? I want us to see that marital intimacy, that lifelong and thriving intimacy, is not something that you impatiently rush into. No, intimacy is something that takes patience to discover who your mate “really is” – to Respect them, to Honor them, and to See their whole being… and vice-versa.
We are mutually inviting our spouse into our whole being, our very nature, and our truest selves. This takes time, requires Trust and Safety
, and every other
topic in our series to experience intimacy
with our mate. And like Keller said about intimacy, it will require freely giving forgiveness and limitless grace to make an environment of intimacy possible in your marriage.
Remember that one of the greatest focus points on this journey to Bless Your Family is being intentional to create an environment that makes it possible for your mate (and children) to receive your blessing.
I laugh every time I read Stormie Omartian’s words in The Power of a Praying Husband how she assumes every man jumps ahead in the chapters to read about praying for his wife’s sexuality as the first point of interest.
Stormie addresses the wife’s sexuality mid-way through the book for men because that reflects more how women prioritize and need it (there are other more important topics a woman prioritizes and needs prayer for first – guys, you know it’s true that your wife is thinking about a long list of things before she warms up to the idea of making love). But for the men, Stormie places a man’s sexuality right up front in chapter 4 of The Power of a Praying Wife book because she knows that typically a man’s priority and need for sex needs to be addressed by his wife a lot sooner.
In Zig Ziglar’s classic, Courtship After Marriage, he writes, “When you ‘court’ your wife as a way of life, show her genuine respect and affection, become deeply interested in her, and spend time with her, then the sexual aspect of your marriage becomes the natural course of action“. Zig emphasizes the importance of continuing the courtship long after dating and engagement in order to keep the marriage fires burning strong between you and your spouse.
And in the graphic romance novel of the ancient Biblical books of Jewish poetry, King Solomon records in the “Song of Songs” (or Song of Solomon) his courtship and marital bliss in vivid detail. Read it sometime and you may be surprised how graphic it can be! Mid-way in the text the King and his bride have enjoyed their wedding feast, and moved past their wedding night. They have celebrated their love-making together, and the text records God himself speak to their relationship, “eat, drink, imbibe deeply of your love together – have your fill”. We see here God’s own blessing of the couple’s union, not only relationally and spiritually, but also sexually.
We are to celebrate the sexual love we enjoy with our spouse deeply and to its fulness. We are to minister to each other’s needs, to treasure each other for a lifetime. When we are holding our mate anywhere or anytime, we need to be saying “Your Heart I Choose” – “I see you” – “I honor and respect you” – “I treasure you, only you, always”.
Intimacy and Sex in the 31 Days to Bless Your Family Topics
Obviously if you want to begin blessing your marriage with greater Intimacy and Sex you and your mate have to Get Started! As you work together every day to get on the same page of Family Leadership, focus on positive Communication, with an Undying Love and attitude to Surrender to Oneness you will naturally be feeling and acting more as one and eventually want to bond as such. The environment you are creating to Bless Your Family is being built on Trust and Safety, Faithfulness and Integrity, with attitudes of Tenderness, Respect, Admiration, Gratefulness and Generosity toward each other – all of which are preparing a place in your marriage to open up completely to each other.
If those topics are laying the groundwork and creating the environment to bless your marriage (and family), then this next section is creating the peace of mind for you to experience Intimacy and Sex in your marriage. When you and your spouse are truly Partnering and Parenting together as a unified team, Modeling Responsibility in your home, and taking care of your Finances together then it goes a long way to creating the cooperation and security that frees you from most worries and brings you closer together emotionally and physically. And there may be no greater set of topics to elevate your marital peace, tenderness and feelings for each other than when you are Praying together, protecting each other’s Boundaries and the family’s, creating Margin (space and flow) in your marriage and home, with Consistency.
Now everything seems like it’s gelling and you’re in a good place in your marriage with the love of your life. The two of you are Edifying each other (building each other up), creating Fun Memories with each other and the kids, enjoying Good Food, a Peaceful and Clean home environment, free of Gossip and Drama that would otherwise weigh down your good vibes together. Put those good vibes to good use!
Finally, you and your mate further the deepening of your marriage together by learning about each other’s Personality Styles and Love Languages (and your kids). You may be working in unison toward Blending your family dynamics and Blessing Your Family, and you are certainly experiencing a Completing and wholeness as your marriage commitment becomes stronger for a lifetime. You and your mate are Present and Participating in every area of your life together, experiencing Oneness in all you do.
Every step of the way invites you and your spouse to continue to open up in transparency, authenticity, vulnerability, and Intimacy. Every step of the way invites you and your mate to celebrate your union mentally, emotionally, Sexually – in every way as you become One together. Every step of the way invites you to take Sprints and Marathons (our last post) as you share the Seasons of your life together, some shorter than others, and definitely going the distance. You will experience short bursts of Intimacy and Sex, and you will experience longer times of tenderness and deepening of your love together.
There you have it: the 31 Days to Bless Your
Family Marriage’s Intimacy and Sex!
I wish you all the best as you make Intimacy and Sex part of the blessing you desire to share with your mate and to enrich your marriage and commitment to each other for the rest of your lives together.
HELP! I NEED MORE!
There are plenty of resources that may be appropriate for you and your spouse. If there has been any unfaithfulness or other obstacles impacting your marriage intimacy and sex life then I definitely recommend finding a local support community, and professional counseling to address your specific needs for healing and restoration. Please reach out for support and help. In addition, the books I have shared today include bibliographies of other books. At the bottom of each post is a section to help you connect to local churches, prayer and support. The first post, Welcome and Getting Started, has a full list of resources I have referenced and a handful of organizations that may help get you started down the road you needing to travel.
Today’s “Dares and Prayers” shared in the video:
<YouTube video coming soon>
Daily Resources and References
Please review the Welcome to 31 Days to Bless Your Family
post if you missed it. There are some starting resources and recommendations there. Your best resource will be a local Bible teaching church to plug into with your family, and be surrounded by a thriving and supportive community.
For prayer from KLOVE Radio staff:
If today’s topic resonated with you please leave a question, or share something positive that is working for you in the comment section below.
Here’s to your family’s “purpose-filled and on-target day”!
God Bless You and Yours!